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Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Your Holiday Doesn't Have to be Perfect to be Meaningful

I'll never forget the first holiday season our family celebrated together. My husband and I had married in mid-October and the holidays descended upon us before we could get settled in our new surroundings. My expectations of a joyous holiday season quickly faded as the reality of chaos and heartache took over.


Blending four young children, managing a harried schedule with two uncooperative ex-spouses while grappling with my expectations of a perfect, first holiday ignited a simmering blaze that burned throughout the season, leaving behind a trail of hurt feelings and defeat.

How could I expect it to be perfect? Because I'm a perfectionist. I wanted to prove to myself and others that, despite the odds of our new marriage and complexities, we could have a perfect, delightful holiday season. I was wrong.

In her book, Set Free to Live Free: Breaking through the 7 Lies Women Tell Themselves, Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith writes, "Perfection is not the goal on earth. ... Your life is a progressive journey. There will be times of success and times of failure. There will be times of faith and times of doubt. There will be moments of joy and moments of fear. You cannot maneuver this obstacle course we call life and expect to finish the race perfectly."

I've given up the idea of a perfect holiday season. But that doesn't mean it won't be meaningful. There may be squabbles among the kids, or sour attitudes while shopping, or a less-than-perfect decorated tree by my children, but that doesn't mean I won't cherish the memories of time together as a family.

You see, our time as a family isn't the same anymore. We only have one of our five children still living at home and we will only all be together briefly on Christmas day. So, I choose to value how small or large our family gathering is and enjoy every moment we have together as an imperfect family.

In our book, Thriving at the Holidays,  Heather writes, "Life rarely goes  as planned and the tighter we hold onto expectations of the perfect Thanksgiving or Christmas, the tighter, tenser and more stressed we are likely to feel. Let the strands of Christmas tree lights, not our emotions, be the only thing that gets tangled up this holiday season. Peace in the heart leads to peace in the home."

Have you experienced lesss-than-perfect holidays in the past? How did you cope?

Related Posts:

Holiday Tips for Stepfamilies: Face Your Challenges

Holiday Tips for Stepfamilies: Do the Right Thing

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2 Comments:

At November 28, 2011 at 1:01 PM , Blogger Rachie-Babe said...

I love the phrase, "Peace in the heart leads to peace in the home." I may have to print and post in my office!

 
At November 28, 2011 at 1:39 PM , Blogger Step Parenting with Grace said...

Thank you Rachie for your comment. The co-author of our e-book, Heather, wrote that and I like it too. It's a good reminder for all of us! God bless you and your holidays with your family.
Gayla

 

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