Will You Commit to Unwavering Effort and Prayers on Your Stepfamily Journey?
"Observe the ant," the great oriental conquerorTamerlane told his friends. In relating a story from his early life, he said, "I once was forced to take shelter from my enemies in a dilapidated building,where I sat alone for many hours.
Wishing to divert my mind from my hopeless situation, I fixed my eyes on an ant carrying a kernel of corn larger than itself up a high wall. I counted its attempts to accomplish this feat. The corn fell sixty-nine times to the ground, but the insect persevered. The seventieth time it reached the top. The ant's accomplishment gave me courage for the moment, and I never forgot the lesson." (Quoted in Streams in the Desert devotional, from The King's Business.)
Tamerlane was a Central Asian conqueror and a brilliant military leader in the late 1300s who fought without wavering and gained control of a vast region including Iraq, Armenia, Mesopotamia, Georgia, Russia, and parts of India. He died on an expedition to conquer China.
So how do we relate Tamerlane to our stepfamily journey? Stepparenting requires unwavering effort. And we may not accomplish all that we desire in our lifetime. But that doesn't mean we quit.
We may not see the rewards that Tamerlane did either. We might see very few earthly rewards. But God recognizes our efforts and will reward us.
I've been praying for a precious two-year-old girl, Stella, who was recently diagnosed with a brain tumor. Her parents lost her sister, Charlotte, a few years ago to a different illness and were devastated when yet another child was handed a dismal prognosis. Yet, despite the overwhelming odds, their prayers for their daughter's healing are unwavering.
As I read the mom's CaringBridge post this morning, her raw emotions tugged at my heart, but she doesn't stop asking for a miracle for her baby. Here is an excerpt:
"So it seems the cancer cells are putting pressure on the brain causing Stella to have seizures. They currently have her heavily sedated while they attempt to control the seizures. As far as I am concerned nothing revealed on the current MRI will change that this is a setback and we have to push on. Dr Saylors confirms this and we are not quitting hoping and praying that our final result will be the complete healing of our Stella Rose.
We are battered but not broken. So many parts of this are reminiscent of watching our Charlotte and I can say this is difficult for everyone who sees her. She is hooked up to a lot of tubes right now, had many fluids and is swollen because of this. ...
Pray for the seizures to get well controlled with medications, pray we get to start chemo as planned and pray we get our Stella back before the next step begins. As always ask God for a miracle."
Does your stepfamily need a miracle? Will you commit to unwavering effort and prayers on your stepfamily journey?
"When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done." Count Your Blessings by Johnson Oatman
I used to sing this hymn to my two babies after my divorce, when I was learning how to parent alone. Life was hard and I didn't know what was around the corner, but I refused to allow my circumstances to keep me from recognizing God's blessings in my life.
My girls are now 18 and 21 years old but they remember me singing this old hymn as I rocked them to sleep, and are familiar with its special meaning to me.
I still count my blessings every day. Today I'm thankful for the opportunity I had to counsel my 25-year-old stepdaughter about a difficult circumstance at work. I'm thankful my college-age student dropped by to say hello and share what's happening in her life this week. I'm thankful I was able to stay home with my 10-year-old son yesterday when he woke up with 101 fever and a horrible-sounding cough.
But I'm especially thankful this week for a new job God has provided for my husband. If you read my blog often, you will remember my recent post on The Valley of the Unknown. Thankfully, we didn't have to wander long in the valley of unemployment. My husband secured a new job last week and is excited to begin his new journey April 4th.
However, the job is in another state, forcing us to quickly begin the relocation process. My husband will go before us to begin employment while the kids and I stay behind to sell the house, finish the school year, etc. It creates a stressful situation, but one in which I will remember to count my blessings.
We're thankful for the new location because it lands us closer to our home state of Texas, where our oldest daughter resides in addition to a great deal of extended family. As we move from Arkansas to Louisiana, we leave three kids behind to finish college, but we're thankful we can see them within a four hour car ride. It will be a significant change for all of us, but we know God is in control and trust His guidance, while we count our blessings.
Life presents challenging circumstances almost every day. As a stepparent, it's easy to lose sight of the good things happening around us because we're consumed with the negative. But if we remember to count our blessings, we will see God's goodness in the midst of difficulty.
My daughter shared this beautiful song with me recently - "Blessings" by Laura Story. I was having a hard day and was stressing over how we were going to survive the long days of unemployment that were upon us after my husband's job ended.
Tears began streaming down my face as I listened to the words of the chorus:
"What if Your blessings come through raindrops? What if Your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near? What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?"
Laura Story wrote this song after her husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor and after multiple surgeries, didn't get the healing he had hoped for. They began to question whether they had an accurate picture of God's mercy.
As the song says, "We pray for blessings, we pray for peace, comfort for family, protection while we sleep. We pray for healing, for prosperity.We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering. All the while, You hear each spoken need, yet love us way too much to give us lesser things."
We want our life to be comfortable, prosperous and easy. But God is more interested in the journey than the ending. He develops and matures our character through hopeless circumstances. But we have to choose to draw close to Him as we travel our challenging path.
The stepfamily journey has difficult days and sleepless nights. Defiant teen-agers, belligerent ex-spouses, confusing emotions and shattered dreams contribute to hopeless days. We search for God and beg for His mercies. But as the song suggests, perhaps our blessing comes as we seek His face for comfort, compassion, and answers during our trials.
Will you consider that God could be showing His mercy through unexpected ways?
My husband's job ends next week. We moved to Conway, AR eleven years ago for my husband to assume the position of Director of Operations with a manufacturing company. His job has provided a comfortable living for us here as we've raised our children. But, unfortunately, the downfall of the housing industry has taken a huge toll on the company and Corporate has chosen to close its doors.
We are facing the valley of the unknown. It's a scary place. We have complete faith he will land another job but that job hasn't shown up yet. So, in the meantime, we wait.
The valley of the unknown appears more often than we like on this journey of life. It has reared its head in various ways on our stepparenting path. And each time, although it was difficult to deal with, we came out successfully on the other side.
Here a few of my thoughts on coping with the valley of the unknown:
Surrender to God's plan. Give up control of the situation and ask for God's guidance. Don't try to find the answers alone. God is seeking a relationship with us and will guide our steps if we ask Him.
Unite with your spouse. Be on the same page with your spouse through the difficulty. Communicate frequently and brainstorm together for solutions. Lean on one another on the hard days and seek to find laughter through the trial.
Wait. Many times, God calls us to simply wait. I strongly dislike this one, but have endured it frequently. A beautiful illustration of how God works through the wait can be found here: Wait Poem, by Russell Kelfer.
Take the next step. As you sense answers to your dilemma, take a step of faith. Start with small steps as you overcome your fear of a new direction. Continue to seek God's plan and follow His lead.
Rejoice in new beginnings. Adopt an attitude of thankfulness as you move from the valley of the unknown to a heighth of unchartered territory. Embrace the change that accompanies a fresh start. Leave the past behind with any regrets of what could have been.
Press on. As Selah's powerful song says, "In Jesus' Name, we press on." View Selah's song.
"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" (Phil. 4:13).
Are you in a valley of the unknown? Do you have other suggestions to offer?
My stepson and stepdaugther lost their mother more than five years ago after a difficult battle with colon cancer. My stepson was 15 years old at the time and had gone to live with his mom (out of state from us)while she was sick. My stepdaughter was 20 years old and had lived with her for several years.
Following her death, we anticipated moving my stepson, Payton, back to live with us. But he had different ideas. He liked the freedom and lack of accountability he had at his stepdad's house. He didn't want to change schools and resisted every suggestion we made of moving him.
Finally, we gave in and allowed Payton to stay for a few months to grieve with his sister, half-brother and stepdad. What we didn't anticipate, however, was his anger and resentment toward us when we continued to mention the move. We had no idea that his stepdad was plotting to seek legal custody to change his living arrangements permanently.
When the sheriff arrived at our door with custody papers, we were devastated. Why would God allow this process to happen? Why does his stepdad want custody when Payton's biological father is willing and capable of taking care of him? Isn't is obvious that our home is more stable and secure than the environment Payton is living in?
We firmly believed Payton should have come to live with us immediately following his mother's funeral. But after fervent prayer, we chose not to fight the custody battle and allowed Payton to stay at his stepdad's. It was one of the hardest choices we've made concerning our children. We believed God was in control, but didn't understand the happenings.
Nine months after his mother's death, Payton called his dad to say there was trouble. His stepdad was heavily involved in drugs and he and his sister were currently staying at another relative's home. It was obvious that Payton was scared and unsure of what to do next. My husband gave him no choice at that point other than to come live with us. Payton willingly surrendered and moved in the following week.
The timing of Payton's move was different than what we wanted. But by trusting God's plan, the transition was smooth and uneventful. Payton was thankful to be at our home after several tumultuous months at his stepdad's.
God's plan is often hard to understand and His timing difficult to manage. But when we choose to plow ahead with our own plans, in our time frame, disaster ensues. There is no better plan than to wait on God's.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
(Isaiah 55:8,9)
Are you trusting God's timing in your stepfamily circumstances, even when it doesn't make sense?
"Dad, we've been in a wreck. We're not hurt but my car is pretty messed up." My stepson, Payton, relayed the disturbing news Friday night after he and two of his buddies were involved in a car wreck that totalled his car. Physically he wasn't hurt, but emotionally he was destroyed.
It was the final straw for Payon in a series of events that left him feeling hopeless. Recently robbed at gunpoint in his apartment, struggling in a financial management class that could jeopardize his academic scholarship, managing an unsatisfactory work schedule with a less-than-understanding boss, and now coping with the anguish of an auto accident that destroyed his car. He sat at our kitchen table with tears in his eyes, his head in his hands saying, "What do I do?"
We've all had those days. Times of complete failure and absolute hopelessness. Days when it seemed our stepfamily relationships would never get better, even though we were doing all we knew to do. Periods of outright despair.
Maybe that's where you are today. Perhaps you're tired of the struggle and ready to call it quits on your family. I urge you - don't give up. As we shared with Payton, let go and let God. He can work a miracle if you trust Him.
In Courage to Change, Al-Anon Family Groups offers good advice on the AA slogan, Let Go and Let God. "The more tightly I clutch my problems to my mind, the less opportunity I give God to help me work them out. God's help is always available; all we have to do it to make room for Him to take part in our lives and keep ourselves ready to accept His guidance."
When we let go and let God, we give up control of the problem and ask for His help in the solution. We admit our powerlessness over the situation and surrender our will to His will.
It takes a concious effort on our part. It requires risk ... but offers freedom.
"Come near to God and He will come near to you." (James 4:8)
Do you need to let go and let God?Will you share the result of past experience with surrending to His will in your stepfamily?
