Five Practical Tips for Successful Stepparenting

Because it's the first week of the new year, I see ideas on how to better ourselves at every turn. So it made me think about what practical tips I would give for someone hoping to better their stepparenting  relationships.

If you read my blog often you probably know that the first tip I would suggest is to center your life around God and seek His guidance for you and your family. Take practical steps toward spiritual growth - consistent prayer, Bible study, and fellowship with other believers - to allow for spiritual maturity that will benefit all of your relationships.

The second tip I offer for successful stepparenting is to maintain a united front with your spouse. Don't allow disagreements over the kids to impede on your marital relationship. Discuss "kid issues" in private and reach a mutual decision over behavior before addressing a child. Allow the biological parent to address disciplinary actions of his/her child whenever possible.

The third tip I suggest is to learn how to resolve conflict. Research shows that stepfamilies have more conflict, on average, than traditional families so it's important for you to know how to manage it. If you need help in this area, seek outside services. Don't resort to using intimidation, manipulation, or avoidance. Learn the skills you need to properly address conflict and resolve it or it will haunt you and your relationships.

Tip #4 for successful stepparenting is to commit to do your part to create peaceful relationships. I don't have to define what "your part" means in a peacemaking role. Each of us knows what we need to do to promote peace in our home. The decision we must make is this: are we willing to do the "hard stuff" in our relationships? Are we willing to be the bigger person? Will we commit to take the high road, regardless of how our stepchild behaves?

The fifth tip I suggest is to maintain a separate identity of who you are outside your stepparenting role. This might seem like an odd tip for successful stepparenting but it's an important one because it allows for better objectivity in your stepparenting role.

I didn't grasp this for a long time and it almost destroyed me in the early years of our marriage. My identity centered on being a good mom and stepmom. Therefore, on difficult stepparenting days (which were often in the beginning) I felt like a complete failure. But when I learned to recognize that my stepparenting role was only one part of who I was, I could walk away from difficult stepparenting interactions and objectively identify what went wrong and how to fix it. It also enables me to recognize that my stepchildren play a role in what kind of relationship we have and I am only repsonsible for my part.

Five practical tips with a meaningful punch to enable successful stepparenting in 2012 and beyond.

Do you agree? Do you have other tips to offer? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Related Posts:

Steps for Successful Stepparenting

Positive Thinking Elicits Successful Stepparenting

Is It a Privilege to be a Stepparent?

Marriage is Not Always Blissful - Especially in Blended Families

My husband, Randy, and I celebrate 16 years of marriage tomorrow. If you read my blog often, you know it hasn't all been blissful.

I'll never forget the night Randy called me from a hotel room and said he wasn't coming home that night. We had been married less than a year and we were struggling as we attempted to blend our four children. I realized the truth of his words, "It just isn't working Gayla."

We had had an argument early that evening over the kids and he couldn't deal with the tension any longer. We both began to question if our marriage could stand the stress of stepfamily life: grasping at how to parent together, coping with difficult ex-spouses, dealing with the rejection of stepparenting, accepting the crazy schedule that left little time for a couple relationship, along with the grind of everyday life.

We had a decision to make: would we fight to keep going or would we call it quits before we gave it a fair chance?

Randy nor I wanted another divorce. We had walked that road and still felt the remnants of pain and failure. We knew we could make it work - but we needed help.

We began seeing a counselor who addressed the difficulty of our stepfamily dynamics. He also confronted us with the unresolved baggage we were carrying and the role each of us was playing in the tension-filled home we lived in. It was painful and heart-wrenching at times, but we began seeing improvements in our marriage and stepparenting interactions. 

We also found a stepfamily support group in a nearby church that was studying literature and Scripture specific to stepfamilies. It was a sacrifice to make the weekly meetings, but it was critical to our growth as we integrated with other stepparents and found healthy ways to unite our four children.

Sixteen years later, those difficult days of early blended- family life blur in the rear-view mirror. I wouldn't want to re-live them, but they are part of our stepfamily memories, reminding us how far our family has come.

We have only one child still at home - it's the only child Randy and I have together. And I must admit - life is simpler, life is less stressful, life is calmer.

But marriage is not all bliss, even at this stage. Our struggles are no longer tied to stepparenting or difficult ex-spouses, but we still encounter stressful periods. We have just come through a tumultuous year that put tremendous weight on our marriage. But our commitment of years' past pulled us through our non-blissful days.

I have a renewed commitment to my marriage. I recognize the short-lived season of child-rearing. And when all our children leave home, I want a thriving marriage.

So, where are you on your marriage journey? Are you plunging through the difficult years of early stepfamily life? Can you recognize the growth your family has made through stepfamily challenges? Are you focusing on your non-blissful days or striving to make the best of whatever season you're in, committed to the long run of your marriage?

How do you cope with non-blissful days of marriage? Will you share your thoughts?

Related Posts:

The Value of a Supportive Spouse

Making Re-Marriage Work: Steps for Success

Making Your Re-Marriage Work: Don't Settle for Mediocrity

How Do You Cope When Your Season of Life Takes an Abrupt Turn?

I knew our move out of state would be a difficult change for me. But I didn't recognize the change of season I would experience at the same time.

I had a comfortable life in Conway, Arkansas. I was actively involved in the community as a fellow parent, school volunteer, local magazine writer, piano instructor, and active church member.

I spent most of my time involved with our children's activities and community events. But when we moved, everything changed.

It changed because my season changed. We had two children already in college who were living away from home, but it was easy to connect with them on week-ends or evenings.

Our fourth oldest child graduated from high school last Spring and made plans to begin college in the Fall. And like her brother and sister, she began her college education in Conway.

So, we moved to Shreveport, Louisiana with one child. Our 10-year-old, Nathan, is the only child we have left at home. It creates a lump in my throat as I realize we have begun the descent to empty nest.

How did this happen? How did we go from four children at home, frequent teen-age struggles, frustrating stepchild rebellion, and unexpected late-night crises to a quiet, easy-going environment with a compliant elementary child who rarely ripples the water? 

How did our home move from one that had constant activity with countless children coming and going to a home controlled by the activity of one? 

Suddenly, I recognize the brevity of our child-rearing season of life.

I know it feels like your stepchildren will never leave home and you will always be in an unending struggle with them -- but it really does change.

I know it's hard to recognize that someday you won't need to have frequent conversations with your difficult ex-spouse about the children's visitation schedule -- but it really does change.

I know it seems like you will never get the laundry finished, house cleaned, and meals cooked on time because there are simply not enough hours in the day -- but it really does change.

And when your season of life takes an abrupt turn, how do you cope?

Lean into your faith, and rely on those you love.

Seek help from someone else who has gone through it. Because at some point, we all experience new seasons of life. 

But in our new season, we can find meaning with purposeful involvement in other's lives around us. We can leave behind the struggles of our stepparenting years and move forward with a renewed faith in maturing relationships with our stepchildren.

So, if you're in a child-rearing season with difficult stepchildren that seems to have no end, be encouraged. It will not last forever.

But in the midst of it, nurture the relationship with your spouse. Because when the children leave home, and your season of life takes an abrupt turn, your spouse will be there to pick up the pieces with you. 

"To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven." (Ecclesiastes 3:1)


Where are you in the seasons of life? Will you share your experience in the comments below?

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The Value of a Supportive Spouse

With Valentine's Day upon us, it's a great time to show your spouse what you appreciate about him/her. And if your spouse is a stepparent, make an extra effort to validate his efforts and the important role he plays in the life of your child.

It's so easy to get distracted with our kids and forget to let our spouse know how important he/she is to us. My husband is a much better encourager than I am and I often take for granted his words of love and support. But without his support, I would have given up on my stepparenting role.

During my stepkid's adolescent years, it seemed I was emotionally attacked regularly. If someone was unhappy, I became the target for their anger. But thankfully, my husband stood up for me and required that I be treated with respect.

One of the best gifts we can give our spouse if he/she is a stepparent is the gift of support. Stepparenting is a difficult role and if we don't feel that our spouse is supporting our efforts, it's easy to give up. There are a lot of ways to show support but here are a few to consider:

Thank him for being a parent to your child.
Compliment his stepparenting efforts.
Require that your children are respectful toward him.
Affirm his worth as your spouse.
Offer him grace when he messes up.
Cook his favorite meal.
Enjoy an evening together without the kids.
Put his needs before yours.
Make your relationship a priority.

If you're a stepparent also, and you're not getting the support you need from your spouse, ask for it! Your spouse cannot read your mind and may not realize the struggle you're experiencing.

Marriage is a union between two people that requires constant nurturing. But the rewards of our efforts far outweigh the work.

How do you show support to your spouse? I would love to hear from you.

Related Posts:

Making Your Remarriage Work: Be An Encourager

Nurture Your Marriage

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Stepfamily Trap: "It's My Way or the Highway"

"The divorce was final today," my husband's co-worker said to him. "We tried to work things out but we could never agree on the parenting of our kids."

My husband related the conversation to me of a stepfather he worked with who had been married less than five years. Both husband and wife brought children to the marriage and argued constantly about how to parent each other's child. There was never any unity or give and take between  the couple; it was always "my way or the highway." Unfortunately, the highway won out.

In his book, The Smart Stepfamily, stepfamily authority Ron Deal says one of the key barriers to marital oneness in stepfamilies that contributes to the higher divorce rate is parent-child allegiance. When a husband or wife chooses to regularly side with his/her child over his/her spouse, it sets the marriage up to fail.

Deal says, "When push comes to shove, the allegiance (or loyalty) between parents and children often wins out over the marriage unless the couple can form a unified position of leadership. If they cannot govern the family as a team, the household is headed for anger, jealousy, and unacceptance. Unity within the couple's relationship bridges the emotional gap between the stepparent and stepchildren and positions both adults to lead the family." 

"If a biological parent is not willing to build such a bridge with the stepparent, the stepchildren will receive an unhealthy amount of power in the home," Deal says. "All they have to do is cry "unfair" and their parent protects them from the "mean, nasty" stepparent. This almost always results in marital tension, conflict, resentment, and isolation."

Unity within the couple relationship must be a priority for a step-couple. It doesn't happen naturally or overnight, but it can happen with intentional effort and constant awareness. Successful stepparenting happens when a couple takes a unified approach to parenting.

Are you and your spouse on the same team in your parenting efforts?

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Making Stepparenting Choices that Count

Making Your Remarriage Work: Be an Encourager

My husband learned some difficult news this week regarding his employment. As plant manager of a cabinet manufacturing company, the downfall of the housing industry has taken a toll on the company he works for. The news we've been dreading to hear from corporate was delivered on Monday.

My husband is an upbeat, positive person. But he's had moments of discouragement as we now face an uncertain future. I've committed to making it a priority to encourage him regularly in the weeks and months ahead.

If your spouse is a stepparent, he/she needs encouragement often. In an unappreciated role, surrounded by stepchildren who may show disregard and distaste for them, it's difficult to continue on the stepparenting journey. But with thoughtful words of, "I appreciate you" or "thank you for your willing heart," the stepparenting road seems more manageable.

In Chicken Soup for the  Couple's Soul,  "50 Ways to Love Your Partner" (or encourage him/her), has some good ideas.  Here are a few suggestions I liked:

- Compliment freely and often
- Appreciate--and celebrate--your differences
- Live each day as if it's your last
- Seek out beautiful sunsets together
- Apologize sincerely
- Let her cry in your arms
- Tell him you understand
- Respect each other
- Be your partner's biggest fan
- Do the other person's chores for a day
- Calm each others' fears
- Put your partner first in your prayers

"So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing." (I Thess. 5:11)

How can you encourage your spouse today?

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Making Your Remarriage Work: Steps for Success

Making Your Remarriage Work: Don't Settle for Mediocrity

Making Your Remarriage Work: Embrace Flexibility

Making Your Remarriage Work: Separate Marital and Parenting Issues

Making Your Remarriage Work: Separate Marital and Parenting Issues

"I refuse to get on that bandwagon and stay consumed with his problems. It's a tough situation but I don't want it to ruin every aspect of our lives."

I recently spoke with a new stepmom who is dealing with some tough issues with her 16-year-old stepson. She recognizes the critical place her stepson is in but refuses to allow the strain of his problems to interfere with her marriage to his dad. I told her I was proud to see her separate the difficult parenting issue from the new marriage she and her new husband are building. It's not an easy thing to do.

When we're raising children in a blended family, we often get consumed with the negative issues surrounding the kids and allow it to interfere with our remarriage. It's crucial for us to be aware of how an unfavorable stepchild situation can bleed over into resentment toward our spouse. If we see that happening, we need to make a conscious choice to separate the parenting issue from our marriage, and talk with our spouse about our feelings.

When I blamed my husband for difficulties with his children in the early years of our remarriage, he would tell me, "I'm your friend in this marriage, not your enemy. We can work this out together. But we have to be on the same side and I don't sense you're on my side."

He was right. I was allowing my stepparenting struggles to interfere with my feelings toward him and create a strain in our relationship. I'm thankful he didn't allow me to stay stuck in those feelings.

There will naturally be some overlap between our stepparenting role and our remarriage. But when we let negative feelings toward our stepchildren interefere with our feelings toward our spouse, we need to evaluate the situation and separate the stepparenting struggle from the marriage relationship.

Do you have difficulty separating marital and parenting issues? Does it affect your marriage relationship?


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The Power of Boundaries as a Stepparent: Part One

The Power of Boundaries as a Stepparent: Part Two

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Making Your Remarriage Work: Embrace Flexibility

My husband and I returned from a five-day anniversary trip yesterday to learn some disturbing news. My stepson, a college student living on his own with a roommate, was robbed and held at gunpoint a few days ago at his apartment. In broad daylight, the door to his apartment was kicked open, and two men ransacked his place while threatening him with his life.

I'm thankful my stepson wasn't hurt and we believe God protected him. Feeling unsafe to stay there, we're now faced with a decision concerning where he will live. We offered him the chance to move back home, realizing it would be an adjustment for all of us. But we want him to heal from his traumatic experience and be able to move forward without fear.

Change is an inevitable part of life. Stepfamilies encounter more change, on average, than traditional families. As children move back and forth between homes, relationships with ex-spouses and extended family members change, and jobs change to accommodate family needs, transitions seem never-ending.

If we choose to embrace flexibility, our remarriage will fare better.  We may not like the changes that occur, but if we accept them and deal with them the best we can, we will find contentment. If we fight change, we become bitter and resentful with our circumstances.

We can also be assured there will be more change as years pass. Children/stepchildren grow up and leave home, demands of the family change, and new responsibilities surface as our own parents age and the parenting roles reverse. Embracing flexibility offers a healthy outlook for our remarriage as we cope with everyday change.

What change are you currently encountering? Can you embrace a flexible attitude?

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Making Your Remarriage Work: Don't Settle for Mediocrity

It's easy to set a marriage on autopilot and make little effort toward a dynamic relationship.  One day you wake up and realize your marriage has headed down mediocre lane. With the complexities of stepfamily life, mediocrity can lead to divorce from unresolved issues and complex circumstances.

In a remarriage with children, it's not uncommon for the primary focus of the home to shift from a couple relationship to a kid-centered relationship, particularly during the early years. When there are ongoing challenges with stepchildren, the couple relationship gets lost in the forest, causing the stability of the stepfamily to suffer.

If we want a dynamic marital relationship, we must determine we will not settle for mediocrity.  It requires intentional effort on our part to develop and nurture a healthy marital relationship, but it's worth the effort.

In her book, Stepmonster, Dr. Wednesday Martin gives sobering statistics on the divorce rate for remarrieds. "Divorce researcher E. Mavis Hetherington suggests that the divorce rate may be as high as 65 percent for remarriages in which one partner has children from a previous union, and a sobering 70 percent when both partners bring their own children to the picture."

Dr. Martin outlines several factors that create complexities within stepfamily life. She then emphasizes the necessity of prioritizing your relationship. "With the cards stacked against it, your marriage needs more than mere tending. Battered by issues and dynamics not found in a first union, yours will not survive unless it is given special priority by both you and your husband.

Remarriage requires ongoing, intentional effort to resist mediocrity and achieve dynamic relationships. Rearing children who are not your own takes an exhausting toll on your marriage. Will you commit to the challenge of putting your marriage first and teaming up for success in a committed relationship?

Have you settled for mediocrity in your marital relationship? What steps will you take to prioritize your marriage?

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Making Your Remarriage Work: Steps for Success

Making Your Remarriage Work: Steps for Success

As my husband, Randy, and I celebrate a 15-year milestone in our marriage this week, I've been reflecting on how we've managed to stay married during some difficult years. So, for the next few posts, I want to highlight steps for success in a remarriage.

In their book, The Remarriage Checkup, Ron Deal and Dr. David Olson talk about the challenges of remarriage. "It is worthy to note that 88 percent of remarriage couples expect to have difficulties with stepfamily issues, but expecting difficulties and knowing how to manage them are two different things. Our clinical experience shows that despite an awareness that stepfamily issues will prove problematic for their marriage, most couples don't fully anticipate the magnitude of the stressors they will face and often are not equipped to deal with it."

Success in remarriage takes intentional steps toward healthy choices. The first and most important step that Randy and I took was committing to a united walk in our faith as we married and blended our families. We were from different denominations of faith that were similar in beliefs, but different in rituals. So, during our dating years, Randy and I committed to a spiritual journey together that included raising our children in a Christ-filled home. We then began church shopping until we found a church we could worship in as a family. We joined the church before we married. I'll never forget the pastor stumbling over his words as he introduced our families to the congregation, trying to avoid the subject of divorce as we stood with our four children!

If I'm not willing to surrender to a Christ-filled life, I assume the position of having all the answers. Remarriage and stepfamily life is complicated. If I rely on my own understanding, I fail. However, when I rely on guidance from the Lord and His Word, I have greater success in  my relationships. I also need God's love and mercy daily as I relate to others in my stepfamily, particularly during difficult periods.

Without our faith, I firmly believe Randy and I would not have survived 15 years of blended family life. But as we lean on the Lord for strength,wisdom, and perseverance, we find hope to continue on our journey.

What do you think? Do you consider your faith an important part of success in your remarriage?

Related posts:

Looking for Hope on Your Stepfamily Journey?

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Healthy Stepparenting: Walk with God Daily

Stepfamily Finances: Making it Work

If you live in a stepfamily, it's likely that money's tight. Supporting several kids while recovering from life as a single parent takes a toll. If you're recently divorced, you feel the financial strain of separating your assets and starting over.

When you remarry, it's not unusual to have conflicting ideas on how to handle your money. You must decide as a couple how to manage the income and expenses together. Do you keep it in two separate pots, divide up the bills, and pay accordingly; or do you trust your new partner in his money handling abilities and put the money in a shared pot?

There's not a single correct answer to that question. It can work both ways or a combination of both. But here are a few ideas  to help make the choice that's right for you.

1.  Listen to each other's opinion on his/her choice of handling the money and why he/she  feels that way. If there were secrets surrounding finances in a previous relationship, it's natural that your spouse will want some separation at first. If money was mishandled previously, it will also affect one's choice.

2. Consider the financial history of each spouse and the present condition of your financial position. If  there's only one income coming in, it's natural to pool the money into one pot. However, with two incomes and separate payments needed for child support, insurance premiums, or other expenses related to a biological child, you might choose to keep some money separate.

3. Define goals for your family together and how you want to accomplish those goals. If there is considerable debt with one spouse upon marriage, you  may choose to pool your income and work together to pay off the debt. You also want to consider the message you're sending to your children on how you manage your money and what you want to teach them concerning finances.

4. Recognize the importance of flexibility in managing your money. Don't get hung up on insisting you must manage your money a certain way because you've always done it that way. If you start with separate accounts but decide you want to pool your resources together after a few years, give it a whirl. If it doesn't work, try a different way.

5. Be fair with one another. Each spouse should have access to some disposable income for discretionary needs without incurring a barrage of questions. It's also important that the wife and husband both have credit established in their own name.

My husband and I have primarily shared our pool of income and expenses since we married. We have been successful at managing our money together (although with five children, there's never enough!) We communicate frequently about how our money is spent and each has an equal voice in prioritizing our income and spending needs.

When my stepchildren lost their mother and we were receiving social security benefits for them, we kept that money separate to pay for private school expenses and other costs related directly to them. It was understood that the money allocated from her loss would be spent only for them.

Stepfamily finances can create additional conflict in a marriage. Learning how to make it work takes time and is different for every marriage. But with good communication and flexibility with one another, it can be managed successfully.

How do you manage your finances? Is it working?

Related posts:

Nurture Your Marriage 

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Intentionally Nurturing Your Marriage

Nurture Your Marriage

I was sad to learn this week of another step couple whose marriage is in serious trouble. And this time, it's not because of the kids. It's because the step couple is making poor choices in how they treat one another and the priorities they are choosing within their family.

A stable marriage is a key ingredient to peace and happiness in a stepfamily. The bonding of stepchildren and stepparents is heavily influenced by the marital relationship.

Children in stepfamilies, who have experienced significant loss in their young lives already, desperately need to know that their new family will provide the love and security they seek without the threat of breakup.

Stepmothers Elizabeth Einstein and Linda Albert emphasize the value of nurturing our marriages in Strengthening Your Stepfamily:

"It is critical that you understand the importance of making your couple relationship a priority. If you do not nourish your marriage, you may not stay together. A major reason for divorce among remarried couples is that the wife and husband fail to spend enough time working to build their relationship. With the focus immediately and constantly on the children and their needs, the marriage never has a chance to take root and grow."

They continue to say, "Even if your marriage does not end, your stepfamily cannot stabilize until your couple relationship does. Until children feel that your marriage relationship is solid, they may remain withdrawn from stepparents, afraid to trust."

Stepchildren deserve to be raised in a stable home. It is our responsibility as a step couple to make the marriage a priority, focusing the time and attention necessary to strengthen our marital relationship.

How strong is your couple relationship? Does it need some attention?

Healthy Stepparenting #7 Nurture Your Marriage

My 17-year-old daughter recently told me about one of her friends who is without a home. Her stepdad kicked her mother and the three kids out of their house and they had nowhere to go. The kids are staying with friends from school and the mother is staying with a friend from work, hoping to come up with enough money to find an apartment and bring her and the kids back together. What a sad situation. It breaks my heart to think of the emotional turmoil these kids are in because the parents couldn't work through their differences.

Marriage is hard. And re-marriage with kids is even harder. But when we commit to marry again and have children as part of the package, the stakes are high. It should be a serious commitment. Our children deserve to see a healthy marriage modeled that offers stability and security. Healing of their brokenness from death or divorce can only occur as they witness relationships that genuinely care for one another.

Nurturing your marriage takes time. It includes the opportunity to date and be attentive to one another. It allows for time away from the demands of parenting to reconnect. It recognizes the need to work through challenges as they occur, not allowing anger or hurt feelings to be swept under the rug.

Nurturing your marriage means the marriage relationship takes priority over the relationships with the children. This is a hard concept in stepfamilies because there is a longer history between the biological parent and the kids than with the new spouse, but the marriage must be honored for what it is. There is enough love for everyone, though, and the maturing marital relationship can provide security for the children as they form a relationship with their new stepparent.

Nurturing your marriage is an intentional action. You don't have to wait until February 14th to do something special for your spouse. Any day is a great day to surprise your mate with some fresh flowers or their favorite home-cooked meal. What will you do today to nurture your marriage?

Are You In It for the Long Run?

When I married my husband, I made a long-term commitment, for better or for worse. Without that commitment it would have been easy to quit. I remember how often I thought in the beginning, "Life was easier as a single parent than trying to make it work in this blended family." But I'm thankful today I stuck it out.

During our early years, my stepdaughter and I floated in and out of a tense relationship. I often felt compared to her mother and didn't think I would ever measure up. There were times I was hurt and discouraged with our communication. But I never gave up on finding a way to connect with her.

My stepdaughter now lives in another state. We don't see her as often as we would like, but she just spent five days with us and we had a wonderful visit. At 24 years old, she has grown into a mature young lady. She values her relationship with us and shows her appreciation for our efforts and sacrifices we made during her upbringing. Time and maturity has healed old wounds and we can laugh about our mistakes and challenges of years' past.

If I had quit trying to have a positive relationship with her, I would have missed out on the joy of what we now share. My relationship with her is a beautiful reminder of the difference it can make if we don't give up.

Commit to go the long run. Some days will be hard. But in the end, the rewards will be worth the effort.

Setting Goals and Your Stepfamily

I love a new year. It's a great time to consider changes we want to make, successes we've had and challenges we've dealt with.

Goal setting plays an important role in making changes or setting new priorities for our family relationships. If we want positive action to take place, we need to be intentional in setting goals toward changes we desire.

Goal setting can start small and develop further when change begins to occur. It's helpful to start with areas that need the most attention in your family and form goals surrounding the most urgent needs. Some goals may need everyday attention while other goals require sporadic but concentrated involvement.

Goals change as stepfamilies grow and mature. When our children were younger our goals focused more on forming strong relationships with each other and creating unity in our family. We also focused on keeping the lines of communication open between all parties involved in the parenting process. As our children have grown older, our goals now center more individually, focusing on specific needs of each child. There is less communication with others in the parenting process and we are comfortable with and thankful for the unity achieved in our family.

The two girls pictured above are my stepdaughter, Adrianne(24), and daughter, Jamie (19). Ten years ago the two girls could hardly stay in the same room together for over an hour without an argument. Today they easily enjoy each other's company while shopping together, playing games together, and exchanging constant conversation about boyfriends, school, work, or life in general. Years ago it would have been easy to quit trying for a friendly relationship to ever form between the two of them. But we never gave up on our goal of unity within our family relationships.

Goal setting allows us to identify our strengths and weaknesses in our family and work toward desired changes. It also allows us to affirm ourselves for setting goals and reaching them.

It's a brand new year with 365 days, 8760 hours, 525,600 minutes.
Our goals this year will be reached only if we take time to set them first.